Confidence is a Muscle -- 3 Ways You can Strengthen Yours

"Confidence is a muscle strengthened by experience." —Kayla Jeter, ultra marathoner

This winter, at 62 years old, I stood high above the ground on a ropes course, legs trembling. The mission? Cross a suspended obstacle — not alone, but with a partner. There was no room to play small, no space for second-guessing. I had to show up fully — fear, courage, and all.

As we moved forward together, I tapped into a strength I hadn’t called on in a long time. It took me back to my days as a 3rd-degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do — a place where I had to be clear, focused, and unapologetically strong. On the mat, I was a leader, especially for women. I knocked opponents down with precision, then extended a hand to lift them back up. That’s who I was: powerful and compassionate.

But off the mat, I often struggled to bring that same clarity. I worried about being “too much” — too assertive, too focused, too ambitious. I dimmed my light to avoid being called cold or arrogant. And when I finally claimed my accomplishments, two men told me I sounded like a “show off.” Their comments stung — not because they were true, but because I’d spent years trying not to be “too confident.”

Here’s the truth I’ve come to embrace: Confidence and warmth are not opposites. They are partners. We can be both powerful and kind. Both ambitious and deeply caring. As author Alison Fragale puts it — we can be likable badasses.

Role models like Kayla Jeter remind me of this. She runs not to shrink herself, but to celebrate her strength and joy. She shows us that confidence is not arrogance — it’s an act of love. When we shine our full light, we invite others to do the same.

So here I am — done with playing small. Confidence isn’t something you’re born with. It’s something you build. Just like a muscle, it grows with use.

3 Ways to Build Confidence

1. Practice Showing Up Fully
Do the thing that scares you — even in small ways. Whether it’s speaking up, trying something new, or stepping into leadership, confidence grows with action.

2. Own Your Wins
Write them down. Speak them aloud. Don’t hide behind “humble.” Your journey and achievements are worth celebrating — out loud.

3. Surround Yourself with People Who Celebrate You
Confidence thrives in supportive environments. Choose relationships where your strength is encouraged — not criticized. Seek out people who cheer for your growth, not those who feel threatened by it. You deserve to be around those who help you rise, not shrink.

Ready to flex your confidence muscle?

What’s one bold move you can make this week — big or small — to show up more fully as yourself?
Share it in the comments or connect with me on [Instagram/LinkedIn/etc.]. Let’s build confidence together, one brave step at a time.