5 Ways We Abandon Ourselves (And How to Come Back)
We often think of self-abandonment as something dramatic — but the truth is, most of us do it quietly. Repeatedly. Even unknowingly.
In Prioritize Your Self-Care, I tell the truth about the moments I left myself — and the long road back.
This is not about blame.
It’s about noticing.
Because the moment you recognize self-abandonment is the moment you begin to return.
Here are five ways I’ve learned we abandon ourselves — and how we begin to come back home.
1. Staying Where Love Is Scarce
We abandon ourselves when we stay in relationships that ask us to shrink.
That offer just enough attention to keep us hoping — but not enough to feel whole.
“First and foremost, I abandoned myself when I stayed in a relationship fed by breadcrumbs.”
— Prioritize Your Self-Care
When we tolerate love that costs our dignity, we teach ourselves that our needs are too much. That we should settle.
The return:
Reclaiming your self-worth doesn’t always begin with leaving the relationship. Sometimes, it begins with not leaving yourself inside it.
2. Minimizing Our Trauma
I didn’t call what happened to me at seventeen trauma.
I told myself: It wasn’t that bad. At least I wasn’t raped. I should be over it.
“Like many survivors, I didn’t call it trauma... I minimized it. I blamed myself.”
But the body knows. The body remembers.
And when we silence our truth, we fracture our wholeness.
The return:
Healing begins when we name what hurt — and let it matter. Not to stay stuck, but to stop carrying it alone.
3. Losing Ourselves in Roles
Parent. Wife. Teacher. Achiever.
I became excellent at fulfilling expectations — and empty inside the performance.
“I’d become lost in a false identity, lonely in my secrets.”
We abandon ourselves when we trade authenticity for approval. When we let who we are be swallowed by who we think we need to be.
The return:
We come back by asking: Who am I when no one is watching? And what part of me has been waiting to be welcomed home?
4. Ignoring Our Inner Knowing
This one hurts.
Because so many of us were taught to override our instincts to keep the peace.
“For months, years maybe, I was at war with my own deepest knowing.”
I knew something was off in my marriage. I felt it in my gut. But I kept deferring to someone else's version of truth.
The return:
Listening to yourself — truly listening — is the most radical act of trust. It’s how we stop gaslighting our own wisdom.
5. Trying to Be Admired Instead of Loved
I performed strength. Achievement. Poise.
But deep down, I longed to be truly seen — not just respected, but felt.
“All the activities and talents in the world cannot make up for lack of friendship. Being admired is not the same as being loved.”
We abandon ourselves when we believe we must be impressive to be worthy.
The return:
Let yourself be messy. Let yourself be held. Let yourself be loved, not for your highlight reel — but for your truth.
Coming Home to Yourself
You don’t need to abandon yourself to be good, to be loved, or to belong.
Coming home is not a one-time event.
It’s a practice.
It’s presence.
It’s sacred.
And it begins with one brave decision:
I will not leave myself anymore.
📘 This post is inspired by Prioritize Your Self-Care: Reclaiming Your Path to an Extraordinary Life
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