The Dragon of Secrets
CONTENT WARNING:
This post contains references to sexual assault and trauma. Please read with care and step away if needed.
HOW A DRAGON IS BORN
When I was in ninth grade, a trio of boys silently, methodically sexually assaulted me in the library of my school.
Of all the stories I have lived—the stories that have marked me and that I am reclaiming as the author of my life—this one has been the hardest to claim.
I think it's because I was already engaging in sexual activity with my boyfriend at the time—too young (never mind why a young girl was in this place). And I felt that these boys could somehow sense it. That I deserved it.
I felt so disgusting that I just froze, left my body, and let them touch me.
My "allowing" it made me feel even more to blame.
WHEN A STORY BECOMES A SECRET
This is a story I have kept hidden—even from myself—because I didn’t know exactly where to put it, how to tell it. So it became a secret.
They say in 12-step circles: “Secrets make us sick.”
I’m not sure that’s always true. But secrets do take up space.
We hide them because we feel shame.
And because we hide them, that shame grows.
The longer we keep stories locked up, the worse they become.
THE WORK OF SECRETS
Most of my work as a life and leadership coach, when you boil it down, is about secrets.
Stories people believe damn them in some way—stories that, if anyone knew, would mark them:
As less trustworthy
As weak
As selfish or mean
Often, these stories are not only hidden from others but from ourselves.
They're locked away:
In a little storeroom with a padlock
In a basement at the back of the psyche
Or up in the attic of the house of “you”
These might be stories about:
A youthful indiscretion that ended in a felony
Unplanned parenthood
The agony of giving up a baby for adoption
Addiction, mental illness, or sexual assault
Or something quieter, like a fractured relationship with your brother
SECRETS AND IMPOSTER SYNDROME
Secrets are also the fuel of imposter syndrome.
It’s that voice that says: “If they only knew…”
I wouldn’t have this job.
I wouldn’t have this relationship.
They’d see I’m a fraud.
Secret stories—poverty, betrayal, moral compromise—feed our drive to perform.
We put on a mask at work, and over time, it becomes part of our face.
And then: the loneliness sets in.Because no one really knows you.
Because you’ve become estranged from yourself.
Hiding a part of yourself is a kind of self-meanness.
It’s saying: “I don’t accept this part of me.”
That’s emotional amputation.
But even then, the phantom remains.
It takes up space. It’s the screen always running in the background.
WHY OLD STORIES DON’T STAY BURIED
So what if we ignore these old stories?
What’s wrong with leaving them alone, buried under a rock?
Here’s why you can’t truly lock them away:
Exhaustion – Keeping secrets is draining. It’s not sustainable.
Loneliness – If you’re hiding, no one really knows you.
Imposter Syndrome – Performing instead of being real is exhausting and isolating.
Diminished Leadership – You can’t lead powerfully while hiding. It erodes connection and impact.
THE DRAGON IN THE HOUSE
I used to read There’s No Such Thing as a Dragon by Jack Kent to my children.
In the story, a little boy named Billy Bixbee finds a small dragon in his room and tells his mother.
But she insists: “There’s no such thing as a dragon.”
So they ignore it.
And the dragon keeps growing—until it fills the house.
Its head pokes out the front door, its tail out the back.
They finally cannot ignore it any longer. “We see it,” they say. Only then, does the dragon shrink back to a manageable size. It actually becomes a cute little thing.
WHAT DRAGON ARE YOU FEEDING?
Is there a room where you’ve shoved your old, dark stories?
A dragon you’re still feeding—even while pretending it’s not there?
Maybe it’s time to open the door.
Let in some light. Let in some air.
And decide:
Is this something I need to integrate into the whole of me?
Or is it time to let this go?
THIS IS HOW WE BECOME WHOLE
This is how we become whole again.
This is how we use everything we’ve lived through—to live in this world.
To lead and live from wholeness, rather than conditional self-love, is:
True power
Boundless joy
Fearless authenticity
Maybe that dragon born in the quiet library of my traumatizing school almost 50 years ago is finally shrinking.
I sure hope so. And if nothing else, I hope my telling helps your dragons shrink.
Maybe you’ll even let it sit at the table.
Or take it for a walk—on a leash, of course.
Because you are the author of your life.
Your stories don’t need to keep you hidden.
It’s time to reclaim them.
Take the Next Step
If something stirred in you—if your dragon is waking up—you don’t have to face it alone.
Here are three meaningful ways to move forward:
Book a Free Coaching Call
Let’s talk.
This is a safe, confidential space to begin naming what’s been hidden and reconnect with the truth of who you are.
👉 Schedule Your Free Call
Read Prioritize Your Self-Care: Reclaiming Your Path to an Extraordinary Life
Not ready to speak out loud yet? Start with the book.
This is your invitation to move from survival mode into a life grounded in clarity, authenticity, and self-respect.
👉 Order the Book
Join The Way Home: A 3-Month Live Online Workshop
Begins September 2025
The Way Home is a transformational, live online experience for anyone ready to stop performing and start living with truth, courage, and clarity.
Whether you're a parent, leader, creative, entrepreneur—or simply someone ready to come home to yourself—this 3-month workshop will guide you to:
Reclaim the parts of your story you've hidden
Break free from perfectionism and performance
Build emotional resilience and grounded leadership
Integrate your past instead of being defined by it
Live and lead from wholeness, not survival
Walk forward as the author of your life — not just the protagonist of someone else’s story.
You don’t have to keep hiding.
You don’t have to keep performing.
You are allowed to live fully, fiercely, and freely.